Legacy |

July 7, 2013

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Pursue Your Purpose

Make a Difference 

 

Knowing your purpose and what gives life meaning is the tried and true method for finding lasting happiness.

In a University of Wisconsin-Madison study, researchers found that people with high scores of having a sense of purpose in their life, also enjoy lasting happiness. The people who ranked high in this characteristic, one of six measured by Ryff Scales of Psychological Well Being, had a sense of direction of what they wanted in life and were aware of what gives their life meaning.

Knowing your purpose may also be a factor in helping you to live longer. Explorer and author Dan Buettner led a global study of populations who live the longest (in areas of the world he calls blue zones). Buettner found that having what he calls Lkigai and Nicoyans of Costa Rica call plan de vida – which means “why I wake up in the morning” – is worth  up to 7 extra years of life expectancy.

Some people may feel that knowing their purpose isn’t important to them. It seems as if it would be too much trouble. They would prefer to float along and let life happen to them instead of life happening for them. At times, the journey can be a little frustrating and a bit scary with the unknown popping in and out like a ghost.

Finding your purpose is an inward journey that requires your attention and desire. Fortunately, there are signature methods for discovering your purpose, you were born with them! And they are waiting for you to uncover them.

Most of us will need to actively focus on the discovery of our inner strengths that reveal our purpose. Others might accidentally stumble on what gives them pleasure, but is it what they wake up for in the morning? There a lot of ways to manifest your purpose but there are also a lot of ways to NOT manifest your purpose and feel frustrated and encounter road blocks. This is when we usually go back to starting over again. Without following your inborn passions, talents and inner strengths, your life purpose will get lost in the scuffle of daily life; you will follow the wrong path and wonder why you feel unfulfilled.

When you are seeking ways to live a more satisfying life and experience a more intentional way of living, searching inside yourself will ignite personal talents and gifts that are ready for activating your dreams to success.

Over time, your purpose can get lost.

How do you find and discover your meaningful purpose? Try this: think back to a time in your life when you were anxious to get up in the morning, excited to get going with your project. You felt satisfied and fulfilled.

Ask yourself what and who mattered the most. Philosopher, Lao –tzu says, “At the cimageenter of your being you have the answer: You know who you are and you know what you want.” The next step you take – with you inner strengths at focus, you will be on your true path to joy and happiness.

The answers you uncover in searching for your inner strengths will be like having your personal GPS to guide you.

 

Inner Strengths |

June 26, 2013

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Dare to Live Without Judgment

 

 

When you use your inborn character strengths in a new way, you will have increased happiness and decreased depression according to a report by Gander, Proyer, Ruch & Wyss, 2012.

The most prevalent character strengths in human beings in descending order are kindness, fairness, honesty, gratitude and judgment (Park, Peterson, & Seligman, 2006).

In the previous blogs I discussed how kindness, fairness, honesty and gratitude can be used to increase happiness and decrease depression can lead to an increased quality of life and how you can implement your inborn character strengths to make the process with less effort.

 The fifth quality in our increased happiness report is: Judgment.

The definition of Judgment is when one is: Inclined to make moral judgments
 -- contrasted with an inclination not to judge the

      moral qualities of others.

 

Few of us dare to live without judgment, to love for no reason or without expecting something in return. Others of us come close by daring to be bold.

Tips on Avoiding Passing Judgment on others:

·         Be patient. Wait until all the facts are revealed before making a judgmental decision.

·         Try picturing yourself walking in their shoes.

·         Become proficient in reading faces. Their action might be giving you clues of an underlying cause for their actions.

·         Ask them questions about why they are choosing to behave in a way that causes your behavior or point of view to be negative. You may learn that they are right.

·         If the person is your friend, remember why they are, be forgiving. Use your Character Strength of compassion to not let this spoil as good friendship.

·         If a person tells you that you are being judgmental don’t argue with them, hear them out.

·         Try not to make statements that are judgmental. “She is overweight” – “His clothes always look rumpled”- “She is not an attractive woman.”

When we form opinions or make judgments. it might be your observation or it might be your perception. We may feel the there is a need to carry the opinion further by making another statement by adding “therefore.” His clothes are always rumpled therefore he must be a slob.

Only a kind person is able to judge another justly and to make allowances for his weaknesses. A kind eye, while recognizing defects, sees beyond them.

This is an example of how we can use our Character Strength of intuition. With your strength of intuition, you will be able o see beyond the defects and look for the positive before making a judgment.

     To learn is to change how you think.

     ~ Michael Merzenich (1992)

This is the last post on the series, “Using Your “Character Strengths In a New Way.”

With these strengths activated, you will have increased happiness and decreased depression according to the report mentioned above.

I do trust that you that you have found the most prevalent character strengths in human beings are also some of your favorites.

Have you discovered more favorites of your own while reading this series?

Write them down and apply them to the next challenge that pops up in your life.

 

Inner Strengths |

June 10, 2013

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Use Your Character Strengths for Being Honest

Energy within YOUWhen you use your inborn character strengths in a new way, you will have increased happiness and decreased depression according to a report by Gander, Proyer, Ruch & Wyss, 2012.

The most prevalent character strengths in human beings in descending order are kindness, fairness, honesty, gratitude, judgment (Park, Peterson, & Seligman, 2006).

In the last two blogs I discussed how kindness and fairness can be used to increase happiness and decrease depression can lead to an increased quality of life and how you can call on your inborn character strengths to make the process with less effort. The third quality in our increased happiness report is:

Honesty

 

The definition of honesty is 1. the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness. 2. truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness. 3. freedom from deceit or fraud.

Have you noticed how the qualities in this series overlap? We have discussed kindness and fairness in the previous articles, so wouldn’t you need to have the quality of honesty to be fair? And wouldn’t you need the quality of kindness to be honest? These ideas could bring all sorts of conversation and opinions.

Truthfulness

 

Going out of your way to be truthful with others, beginning with what you say to yourself, will show up in your character strength of Integrity.

Your character strength of integrity will ensure your ability to be truthful. This process is very much like anything else in nature. One ingredient does not do the work alone. Often times there are a number of ingredients that work together. Each one of these will magnify the strength of the other.

 “Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.” ― Oprah Winfrey

When you make choices based on who you are and what you believe and speak what you know within your heart, to be your truth, then, you will be honoring your values; you will be living in integrity.

Trust

 

Trust is a skill, one that is an aspect of virtually all human practices, cultures, and relationships.

I have just had an experience of questioning trust of a stranger.

As I have mentioned before, I am an octogenarian. I have well meaning people tell me that as such, I am much more vulnerable. The danger of someone taking advantage of my weakened state (say it ain’t so) could be more prevalent. I say I am cautious but not afraid.

Some months ago a lady rang my doorbell. She introduced herself and began to tell me she had noticed my husband sweeping our front walk. She wanted to offer her 3 young children to help at no charge. I am thinking this is a switch! Usually with an exchange of service, there is a fee charged. She went on to say that she wanted to teach them to help others. I told her that was nice of her but it did not need sweeping now. She was of Mexican decent and spoke very good English. She went on to say that she is a housekeeper. Now, why don’t sales people come up with an introduction to making a sale as clever as her presentation? She had my attention, however I told her I already had a housekeeper and let it go at that. She left but not without leaving me her contact information.

She also calls on occasion and we have a brief chat about how she is doing. She has such a nice personality that I have not refused to talk to her when she calls and occasionally rings my bell.

You might be thinking, why bother? I have had an intuitive feeling that she is someone who is in need of help even though she has never asked for it. There is something about her that I trust.

Building trust within yourself will increase your ability to trust others.  When we have a reputation of

Honesty as a character value, this translates to peace of mind, better health, and less stress. To be successful in business or in life, a person must have a reputation of honesty. To be known as someone that can be trusted, just plain feels good.

“Friendship- my definition- is built on two things. Respect and trust. Both elements have to be there. And it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don’t have trust, the friendship will crumble.” ― Stieg Larsson, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

 

Sincerity

When we speak the truth about our own feelings, we are thought to be sincere. When our words are deemed to be speaking the truth we have the respect of the listener.

“Be true and sincere and loving in your human relationships.” White Eagle

Deceit

Never forget that a half truth is a whole lie. All too often our deceptions are discovered. It is likely that lies will be seen sooner rather than later. It is just plain inefficient to be dishonest.

 

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Joci James, Life Strengths Detective
All Rights Reserved
www.jocijames.com

 

 

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Inner Strengths |

April 21, 2013

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10 Ways To Increase Happiness, Using Your Inborn Character Strengths

When you use your inborn character strengths in a new way, you will have increased happiness and decreased depression according to a report by Gander, Proyer, Ruch & Wyss, 2012.

The most prevalent character strengths in human beings in descending order are kindness, fairness, honesty, gratitude, judgment (Park, Peterson, & Seligman, 2006).

For the next 5 blogs, I am going to discuss each one of the above prevalent character strengths.

The first will be:

KINDNESS

“Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.  As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.” Audrey Hepburn

There is also the belief that kindness makes you happy ….. and happiness makes you kind.

To reinforce your character strength of Empathy in showing kindness you could:

1. Visit someone in the hospital.

It is possible that you don’t know a relative or someone close to you that is in the hospital. This would be a time to pause and be thankful that this is true and say a prayer for those that are hospitalized.

2. Do a random act of kindness for someone.

“Practice Random Acts of Kindness and senseless less acts of Beauty” This phrase may have been coined by Anne Herbert, who claims to have written it on a place mat in restaurant in Sausalito around 1982.

We have been amazed and moved by the heroic acts of our citizens when there is a tragedy. Our innate goodness kicks in and we run forward to aid those in need. I heard one of those heroes’s say that she felt like a salmon swimming upstream because a lot of the confused people were running from the tragedy.

3. Say kinder words to the people around you.

This is when, “Think before you speak,” is a good rule to follow.

“If only our mouths were made out of glass, then we would be more thoughtful of what we say.”

Words can hurt and once it has been said, you can never take it back. You can apologize and hope the receiver has a forgiving heart.

4. Share your belongings with others (e.g., clean out your garage and closets and get those items to a local charity.)

“It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into the giving.”

If you have not used a household item or clothing in a year, give it up and let someone else enjoy it.

5. Greet others with a smile.

You have heard the saying, “Smile, it makes the person you meet curious about what you have been up to.”
I walk in the park every day. I try to smile at everyone I meet. It really
irritates me when the approaching person does not smile back, (I know,
it is a Southern custom,) so I created a game, to see how many would smile
back, it is amazing how many more would smile when I was thinking
positively and most likely smiling inside at my little game.

6. Give an unexpected small but meaningful gift to others.

It is the unexpected gift that means so much. Don’t wait for a birthday,
holiday or anniversary to give a gift or say “thank you.”

7. Open or hold the door for someone.

It seems like such a small gesture, but it means you care, especially to
those of us who are getting older and those heavy doors are sometimes
hard for us to pull open.

8. Say “please” and “thank you” and really mean it.

9. Be a considerate driver.

Let the other driver move in front of you. They may be the person that needed you kindness, and it only cost you a few minutes.

10. Listen with your ears and eyes. Look at the other person with interest.

Active listen skills are considered to be the foundation of effective communication. Developing active effective listening as a habit requires looking the other person in the eye and acting as if what they are saying is very important.

Joci James, Strength Finder Detective

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